When to Write/What to Write
When to Write...
There are infinite reasons to send a card or note, below are just a few. Be creative and invent your own!
- Congratulations
- Thank You
- Condolence/Sympathy
- Keep in Touch
- Business Follow-up/Post job interview
- Just because...
What to Write...
"Never think becasue you cannot write a letter easily that it is better not to write at all. The most awkward note imaginable is better than none at all." Emily Post
At a loss for words or 'what to write' when it comes time to send a card or note? Sometimes it is difficult to find the correct words. Below are some ideas for two major note occasions: Thank You notes and Condolences. Parchment also recommends a few books that will get you started and are great to keep on hand as a quick reference of ideas for you. You'll never be at a loss for words again!
- Blue book of Stationery (Crane)
- Wedding Blue Book (Crane)
- Just a Note To Say
- When Words Matter Most
- Emily Post
Thank You Notes
First, keep the general structure of a Thank You note in mind. This is a basic structure to get the ink flowing, but try not to write notes on auto-pilot, it won't sound genuine.
- Greeting
- Thank you
- Mention item/gift and how the it will be used, and/or mention the help they gave (hosted wedding shower, hosted you in their home for the weekend, etc.) and what it means to you.
- Thank you again
- Closing
General Tips:
- Stuck on what to say? Think about how the conversation would go if you thanked them in person!
- Still stuck on what to say? "Thank you notes: A complete guide" and other helpful articles are available on The Knot.
- If you have a wedding website, you can post a general thank you immediately following the wedding but before gift givers would recieve a hand written, more personal note. A general web thank you is not a substitute for a personal note.
- Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette has an entire chapter on Thank You's. Emily writes "The accepted standard is that thank you notes should be written within three months of receipt of each gift.".
Condolence Messages
Writing a sympathy note can be one of the most difficult kinds of notes to write, as it is often easier to convey support and express your sympathy in person. After all, a hug says a thousand words. But a note can be an important, tangible source of support and comfort to a grieving person. The following are a few things to think about and suggestions to help you find the right words:
- Think about the deceased person and their relationship to you.
- Think about what would be comforting or supportive to you, but remember it's not a time to talk about grief you have experienced. Keep the focus on the note recipient.
- Mention their loved one by name.
- Validate, rather than minimize their feelings.
- If appropriate, make a specific offer to help: grocery shopping, make dinner, walk the dog, take the kids on a playdate, etc.
- Relate any personal stories or memories that include the deceased person - it is comforting to the family to hear that the person was cared about. It could also be a memory that the family didn't know about.
- If you didn't have a relationship with the deceased person, talk about the grieving person.
- Remember the deceased person on days special to their family - birthday and anniversary, etc. The family will be thinking about their loved one.
- Three excellent books have great sample messages to get you started: Just A Note to Say, When Words Matter Most and The Art of the Handwritten Note.